M&M Survivor Series – Funny


Survival of the fittest M&Ms

(from someone who definitely has too much time on their hands)

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my
duty to continue the strength and robustness of the
candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I
apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of
them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and
I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets
to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms
are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized
that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition
that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or
flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very
rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues
to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd.
Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope
and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use
this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag
of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a
grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

Editor's Note: I think this guy will win.

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9 thoughts on “M&M Survivor Series – Funny

  1. OK, you are officially my hero!! What sacrifices you make for science! All that work and thinking and er, eating. *applause*I think I hear the sound of the Nobel Committe taking notes…..and wow that grant money was GREAT!!! Are you going to video the next round of trials, and send it to them? (Posting it here, first, of course)YAY!!!!!!

  2. Your M&M Survivor Series reminded me of the way my ex-husband used to eat Skittles and probably still does (after all it was the reason why I had to leave him).

    Before he put them in his mouth, one by one, he had to smash the life out of them on the closest flat surface. How clean the surface was didn’t matter, and obviously none survived.

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