World’s Most Ginormous Sandwich

On the way home from Christmas, my brother and I stopped for lunch. We were in a section of Baltimore that complicated the lunch process because tons of places were closed and the others weren't very appealing for one reason or another, so we ended up at the deli counter in Safeway.

Though we didn't know it at the time, this ended up being very lucky for us because the regular deli-workers were not in, the guy working behind the counter was just trying to make things work, and he was very very nice. We know these things because while we were waiting he called to find out where the small soup cups were kept – if he usually worked there he would know that. Plus he told us the bakery did not deliver the bread that day so he was winging it.

So… Ryan and I were going to split a sandwich and decided to get a large Cobb sandwich… blue cheese, chicken, bacon… yum yum. Because of the flukey situation, the deli guy made our sandwich on a FULL LOAF OF ITALIAN BREAD. A full loaf. Close your eyes and imagine how big a loaf of Italian bread is… Fresh made from the deli, not the skinny kind you get in the grocery store. Here, maybe this will help… The same decanter is in both pictures so you get an idea of size comparison…

Sub

Ryan and I took one look at the freaking gigantic loaf of brad and started laughing. On that loaf went:
3 chicken breasts, cut into strips
6-8 slices of full sized bacon
1-2 full tomatoes, sliced
what seemed like half a head of Romaine lettuce
2 handfuls of blue cheese
2 different kinds of sauce

Believe me when I tell you this was the biggest freaking sandwich ever made in the history of the world. Ok, well maybe not in the world, but still…

Here is Ryan holding the sandwich. Notice that it is longer than his forearm and Ryan is 6' tall.


Now, here it is as Ryan is splitting it apart for us to eat… The lighting is funny because we are in the car.

Now here I am holding ONE QUARTER of the sandwich. ONE QUARTER. Oh my freaking lord. Look how big it is in comparison to my hand. What a sandwich. But it was sooooooooo good. The best I've had in a long time.

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Oh Deer. And crazy people.

The trip home for Christmas got a little more exciting than I had planned when a deer jumped in front of the car. Poor, sweet doe. She died instantly – thank God – because I would have been a weepy, shaking, miserable mess otherwise.

We were following Google maps directions which – for the second time – got us hopelessly lost. Grrrrrrr… Google maps used to be spot on perfect. I don't know what to say except I am losing faith in them. I know it was not me being directionally-challenged because the cop who came to do the accident report could not figure out the directions either. Sigh…

Anyway, we were on a dark, windy, back road through the woods. We didn't have time to see the doe, let alone react. She just suddenly ran head-long into the front driver's side of the car. Time gets all weird in those kinds of things… seems to both drag and fly by simultaneously. I also go into a weird out-of-body type state. I am very calm and automatically go into problem-solving mode.

It was a bit entertaining because we could not tell the cops how to find us because we were lost. We kept telling them where we *thought* we were – ha ha – and they kept saying that couldn't be right. Went back and forth like that for a little while.

While we were waiting for them a few nice people stopped to ask if we needed help. We were fine, not hurt at all, and the car was drivable so we said we were ok. Actually, it's a testament to Subaru that things went as they did because it probably could have been much much worse. I don't remember feeling any impact when the deer hit us. I knew it had happened because we saw it flash in the headlights, but it did not feel like a crash or a collision. Some body damage but not much.

Then one crazy person stopped. This part is like a surreal dream. I still can't believe it happened. Seriously. It's like someone transported us into a movie or a nightmare for five minutes then back to the real world again.

A car stopped behind us. I heard someone yelling to us so I got out to talk to him. I thought he was stopping to see if we were ok like all the nice normal people in the world. But noooooooooo… The conversation, as best as I can remember:

Him: Did you just hit that deer?
Me:  Yes. But we're ok. The cops are on their way.
Him: Hot damn!

He proceeds to go to his trunk, get out a baseball bat, go over to the deer and start pounding on it. Really whaling on it. Hard. Like four or five or six times. NOT to put it out of its misery because it was dead. Like a crazy saddistic person taking joy out of hurting another creature. Like the kid who pulls the legs off flies or sets cats on fire. Like the school bully. Like the kind of person who grows up to beat the crap out of their kid and kick their dog. Like that.

Me:  Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! What are you doing? Stop!
Him: M***** F***** M***** F***** M***** F*****
Me:  Stop! I called the police. They're on their way.
Him:  M***** F***** M***** F***** M***** F*****

When he finally stopped after what seemed like an eternity he just put the bat in the car got in and peeled off fast. Not fast enough though because I got his license plate number and gave it to the cop. I'll show him who's a M**** F*****.

Anyway, the cop was great. Very nice. Very helpful. Helped me get all the info I needed to file an insurance claim and even helped me figure out how the heck to get back on the road to my mom's. The rest of the trip was uneventful – thank God. I take the car in tomorrow morning to get an estimate and get fixed soon after (I hope).

I should also give a shout out to the Esurance reps who were AWESOME. They were super fast with the communication, no hassles on the coverage. Easy as pie and so helpful and friendly. Big kudos to them.

Pictures of the car the next day:

So that's in. A crunched in fender, shattered headlight glass, small dent, and jacked up hood. We were very very lucky and thankful it wasn't worse.

My brother and I, being the spiritual new agey people we are, decided that one of two things happened:
1) We hit the deer because she was suffering from some terribly painful disease like cancer and we hit her to put her out of her misery so she wouldn't suffer anymore. Or…
2) We were destined to get in a terrible crash later and the deer sacrificed herself to keep us safe.

Either way, we did a lot of praying for that deer to be in heaven and saying thanks for our safety.

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Christmas Pedi

One of the little things I have taken up in the last few years is pedicures. Honestly, I never thought I would be one of *those* people (no offense intended as I am also one of *those* people), but a friend went on and on about how relaxing they are so I decided to give it a try. And, I gotta admit, it's pretty darn nice. Especially if you get someone who gives really good massages, cause there ain't nuttin like a good foot massage. Ahhhhhh…

So, as life recently has been about poverty and busyness, I have not had a pedicure since the beginning of October and I decided to wait until after I finished the semester to treat myself. Yesterday my friend and I went and got out little tootsies tended to. So nice. My polish is "Hot Lava Love". Yum yum. I ❤ the candy cane striped flip flops. Too cute.

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